* (jedifreac) wrote,

I Can Has Cake? - Complete Recipe for the Cake from Portal

Ah, the infamous cake from the video game Portal. Astute gamers have actually found the ingredients listed in-game. Planet Fortress has the ingredients picked out of yellow text, and an orb in the boss fight also rambles a list of random ingredients, heavily emphasizing the rhubarb (mp3 found here.)

I set out to make a recipe for a Portal cake, but not something complicated. The cake had to look like the cake in the game, taste amazing, and be simple enough for even an inexperienced baker to make without being boring cake mix box cake.

Since the in-game list is actually for two separate recipes, I took the more challenging baking ingredients and the fish shaped crackers out and added some extra ingredients to the list--pudding and sour cream--to make the cake extra "delicious and moist."

    9 inch or 8 inch cake pans. (You will be making two layers, so it is easier to have two. One is okay, too.)
    Big Bowl (for mixing)
    Electic Mixer/Egg Beater
    Measuring Cups
    Rubber Spatula
    Pam/Vegetable Oil (something to grease the pan with)

    1 (18.25 oz) package German chocolate cake mix
    1 package (3.4oz) Chocolate Instant Pudding Mix
    1 cup sour cream
    1 cup water
    1/2 cup vegetable oil
    4 large eggs
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 cup chocolate chips

1.] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease/pam two 9 inch cake pans.

2.] Combine the cake mix, pudding, sour cream, water, vegetable oil, eggs, and vanilla extract in a bowl and beat it with an egg beater for about two minutes. Don't beat the cake too hard or too long, just enough so the batter is mixed. The mixture should be a bit thick, like frosting.

3.] For extra chocolately goodness, mix some chocolate chips into the batter. This will give the cake a weird chocolate chip cookie feel to it. Dump the batter into the two pans.

4.] Bake about 30 minutes. Fork it; if it's done the fork will come out clean. If there is a cracked fissure on top of the cake it is most likely done (even overdone). Check frequently.

[If you are REALLY lazy and have a GLASS cake pan you could attempt to make this cake in the microwave. Try microwaving for about ten minutes, then fork test it.]

5.] Wait 10 minutes for cake to cool before dumping it out of the pan. Run a rubber spatula around the edge of the cake, then flip the cake pan upside down onto a flat surface. (If the cake came out domed, eventually gravity will do it's work and it will flatten out.) Wait for the cake to cool completely before you frost it (or the frosting will melt.)

    1 can of premade Coconut Pecan Frosting
    1 bottle of chocolate syrup
    Chopped Pecans
    Coconut Shavings
    1 tube Vanilla Icing w/ decorator tip
    8 Marchisno Cherries
    1 Candle (and flower candle holder)

If you want an easier frosting, I suggest just buying two cans of the premade Coconut Pecan Frosting. The frosting is a pale tan color and the frosting on the cake in portal is a much darker brown, so just add chocolate syrup to darken and eyeball it for screen accuracy. Otherwise, this is the frosting recipe I used.

1.] Roast the Pecans until they are a darker brown. This makes them taste better. You could get away with microwaving them and turning them over every 30 seconds or so. Or just put them on a skillet. Chop up the Pecans in a food processor if you have one to make them more bite sized and managable.

2.] Add in the roasted pecans and some coconut flakes and mix it into the premade frosting with a spatula. Add chocolate syrup to darken the frosting.

3.] Frost the cake with a rubbe spatula. The cake is two layers, so start by sparingly frosting only the top of one of the layers. Make sure to conserve enough frosting to frost the outside of the cake as well. Then stack the second cake layer on top of the frosting.

4.] Then start frosting the outside of the cake. Here's where it gets kind of tricky. The pecan pieces can be heavy so you don't want to put any enormous chunks on the sides or the frosting will slide down. So kind of try to strategically frost the cake so smaller pecan pieces are on the sides and the bigger chunks are on top.

5.] The final touches--cherries and icing. It's easier to draw circles and then set the cherries in them. Practice drawing circles on something else first. When you feel confident in your circle drawing skills, squeeze out eight slightly larger than cherry-sized rings on the cake. Then set in the cherries. Add the candle for the final touch.

Yay, now you have a cake. And it isn't a lie!

This cake was baked for a New Years Eve party on January 31st. It was half-devoured, then sat in the fridge in an air tight container for another three days before we killed it off. For some reason this made the cake taste even better. Go figure.

If you use this recipe and it works out, leave a comment and let me know!
Tags: crafts and cookery, video games

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